Friday, April 22, 2016

I Almost Missed It

It was a few weeks ago.

It was beautiful outside. The sun was shining, but it wasn't too hot. It was a perfect day.

I was sitting on the swing in the backyard watching Michael playing with Anya on the trampoline.

These two are really the best. Anya and Michael taking sneaky pictures on my iPad.

They were running and jumping and giggling and bouncing.

It made me smile.

It made me laugh.

And then suddenly I was crying.

Because my thoughts wandered to "I almost missed this moment."

Because when Michael left over a year ago I was devastated. And I was lost. And if he hadn't come home and we hadn't reconciled our marriage I would have missed this moment of watching him play with our youngest child.

But here's the problem.

I was still missing it.

I was caught in a circle of "I almost missed it" thoughts that I was forgetting to stay in the moment and truly be in the present of this time that was full of fun.

In my own head I still struggle with my thoughts. I still struggle with my sadness. I get so focused on the "what ifs" and the "almost misseds" that I miss out on what's happening right now right in front of me.

And it's hard.

It's hard to get out of the cycle once its started.

But I sat there on the swing and I watched them play. I wiped away my tears, said a prayer and began watching again with new eyes.

And I could see what was in front of me. Watching a daddy playing with his daughter giving her so much joy. Watching him chase her around the trampoline with her screaming and then giggling every time her caught her. Seeing them jump up and down together, dancing in circles.

I didn't want to miss it. I wanted to be present for every second of it.

And that's what I focus on, when my mind starts running away on its own. I work hard to not focus on the "what ifs" of "almost missed" because if I do I will really miss it.

I don't want to miss any of it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

What's for Dinner?: Chimichangas

A couple of months ago I made awesome giant chimichangas. I've been meaning to share them for so long. And it just slipped my mind.

These chimichangas were awesome. Let me share with you how I made it.

I started with a 2-3 pound pork roast and placed it in the slow cooker. I added a bag of frozen 3 peppers and onion veggie bag. And on top I added the spiced I like, cumin, chili powder, basil and minced garlic. Set to cook for 6 to 8 hours. This makes a ton of meat.

When the pork is fully cooked and tender, remove it and the veggies from the broth and through it in the stand mixer. Put in the paddle attachment and let the mixer do the shredding. Makes it so much easier than the two fork method. Two minutes in the mixer saves 20 minutes.

Throw the meat into a bowl and add some of the cooking broth until moist. Take a bite and add salt and pepper or more spices to taste.

Now, its time to roll up the meat in some giant tortillas. I used 12 inch tortillas. Add cheese, if desired.

Heat up oil in a skillet. I used a cast iron to keep an even fry.

Once oil is hot, add in chimichangas, and fry until golden and then flip.

This recipe makes a ton. But they freeze well. Just wrap each individually in foil and reheat in the oven when the craving for one hits.

You can eat these as is or topped with sour cream and guacamole. They can really be made to any preference you like.

If you try it out, let me know how you like it!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Bible Journaling: Philippians 4:8

Philippians 4:8 is a verse that sticks with me all the time. Mainly because I have a hard time keeping my mind in a positive place. I am someone who will let things get to me and just pull me down into a hole that is hard to crawl out of. 

Because of this, I spend a lot of time fighting my own mind. I have to remember to take my runaway thoughts and let them go and think of better things.

And to help me with this I turn to Philippians 4:8 which says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think of such things."

I know that I have to think on the good. Because there is so much good. And when I get into a thought funk I will miss it. It will just pass me by. And so I actively work on keeping my mind focused on the "true, right, noble, pure, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy"- it really helps make my days better. And it keeps me focused more on God and not myself.

Friday, April 8, 2016

11 Years

Yesterday was our anniversary. 11 years married. It has not been easy but it has been worth it. I love this man.

Monday, April 4, 2016

Wildflower Moments

There are sometimes in life that we need wildflower moments.

And I'm not talking about being free and growing where ever, like wildflowers do. But instead about something that happened about a year ago.

If you know me or have been following along over the last few months you know that life just completely went crazy for us and have since been working to rebuild.

Our wedding anniversary is in April. And last year we were to celebrate 10 years. This was very hard for me considering the circumstances of where my marriage was standing. We were coming back together after an affair and I didn't know if I could celebrate something that was so broken. Because I was so broken. Trust wasn't even a consideration at this point. It was too soon.

But it was too big a day to let pass by without doing something. Because even though things had been very hard, we were still together, we were still married for 10 years and together for nearly 15. There was still something there.

So Michael took me on a small weekend road trip. It was the first time that we traveled together, just the two of us, in a few years. I honestly wasn't sure how to feel about it. But I love him and wanted to have something to celebrate. And we really needed the time alone. So we could just be Michael and Jessica, without also being Mom and Dad.

On the second day of the trip we were driving through some desert mountains. Along the road side were beautiful wild flowers. These were something different than ones I've seen in the past. They weren't just yellow daises or dandelions. I don't know what kind or what they are called, but they were bright and beautiful. Reds, oranges and yellows.

And I loved them. As we drove I just watched the scenery and admired the flowers.

And suddenly Michael stopped the car, hopped out, collected a handful of flowers and brought them back and gave them to me.

And I cried. Because there was nothing in it for Michael. Because it was something that he just did for me. There was no motive behind it.

It was just a husband picking flowers for his wife.

It was simple.

And it was just what I needed.

This was something that Michael had never done before. He has given me flowers, sent me flowers but they were always bought at a store. They were planned.

But this wildflower moment was not planned. It was just a split second decision that Michael made to give me something beautiful just because he wanted to make me smile. To bring me some joy. And nothing else.

And I really believe that we all need moments like these. Where someone does something simple for us just because it would make us smile. And that was enough.

It was just what I needed. I needed to know that I was loved and this simple gesture showed me.

And now, this week we are getting ready to celebrate 11 years of marriage. A year has since gone by and I still think about my wild flowers and how much I loved them. And how much I love the man who gave them to me.

Have you had any wildflower moments? I would love to hear about them!