Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Struggle

I work with a small group of high school girls on Wednesdays. I've been feeling very disconnected with them lately. They seem to be at this age where it's "cool" to not care. I've been working with them throughout the school year and in the beginning I felt like I was reaching them but now I feel like I just can't get a hold anymore.

Maybe because I've put my teenage years behind me that I can't connect. I am no longer the person I was all those years ago. I feel almost a complete disconnect from my own teenage years, like it was a time that wasn't real. I don't identify myself with who I was then. I made stupid choices, did bad things, tried to live the balance of doing what was cool and doing what was right. I no longer feel I have to prove myself to my peers anymore. The people I have in my life now take me as I am, not as I would pretend to be.

But now I feel like I need to prove myself to these girls. How can I get sucked into what these teens think about me? This isn't something I should be worried about. I'm there to teach them about Jesus. I'm there be to be a confidant for them. I'm there to let them be themselves in a safe environment. I just don't think they are really being themselves. Even in our small group they hide behind what they think they should be, instead of just being themselves.

I feel like I'm drowning when I am there. They're draining me. No matter what I do, they won't let me in. I feel like I'm reaching and reaching and they're pushing and pushing. I'm exhausted.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

GV Womens Tea

















I just want to take a moment to brag! This past week the women at GV Christian Center held their annual tea. It was wonderful, joyful and fun. Sabreena Adams was our guest speaker. But I want to tell you about how my table won 1st place in the new decorators category. I was very excited! So that is all I had to brag about today!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Hoarders



I am completely obsessed with the show Hoarders. This is one of those reality shows that I watch and can't get enough of. Do you know what hoarding is? Hoarding is when people can't get rid of things, no matter what they are, and the stuff just takes over their home.

For the most part what covers every square inch of the home is trash. I don't know whether it's laziness or really a compulsive need to hang on that causes people to keep garbage. It just blows my mind. I have seen episodes where children have been taken away from their parents because they just can seem to keep their home in livable conditions. There is one thing in common with all the hoarders and it seems that everything stacks up and then all they have is a small pathway that leads from room to disastrous room and have one tiny spot that they usually spend there time in.

I saw a case so bad that the house was so full of stuff that when the family happened to get bedbugs they had no way of fumigating the home that the critters just took over. The family, instead of cleaning up their mess decided to just start sleeping in a tent in the yard. They had 4 kids. It was just shocking to watch. One recent episode said that the crew emptied out somewhere around 8000 lbs of trash from one room. One room! Eight thousand pounds! Unbelievable!

Needless to say it does make me feel better about my home. My home does not always sparkle but we are never covered in garbage. I'm glad to know that we don't have any issues with getting rid of things.

Here is a short clip from one of the episodes so you can really see how these people live. I really don't know how they do it.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Once More with Feeling

I have a soft spot for musical TV episodes. I am drawn to them and will watch them over and over again. Netflix has helped in this. The entire Buffy series is on Netflix. I had never watched it before watching it last year. I had no idea of the awesomeness that was waiting for me in the sixth season. The musical episode has become a favorite in our household. I love every single song but since I can not choose which one to play for you I will give you Michael's favorite:


Wrong

Don't you hate it when you know that you're going through something but can't find the words to describe what it is? Today I just feel off. I don't know what is wrong but something is just not right. How do you try to make yourself feel better if you don't know what the problem is?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Why Some People Deserve to be Hit by Cars

I hate jaywalkers! I can't stand the people that just cross the street in busy traffic acting like they're playing a live version of Frogger. Is it really so hard to go to the crosswalk where there are safety precautions in place to make it less likely to get hit by a car?

I can't tell you how many times I've almost hit someone who has jetted into the street in the middle of traffic without really watching where they are going. If they are going to do things like this, they might as well get hit. They don't think their life is important enough to make wise safety decisions. It's frustrating!

Joshua


I'm already falling behind on my goals for the rest of 2011 but I have finally finished Joshua. I'm going to have to start speed reading through if I want to finish by December 31st.

The book of Joshua is about Joshua the son of Nun. After Moses dies Joshua takes over as leader of the Israelites. Joshua was given the honor by God to be the man that lead the Israelites to their Promise Land and help them defeat the people living there and then to settle there.

The most famous story in Joshua is about the fall of Jericho. God gave Joshua instructions on what the Israelites were to do to bring down the walls of Jericho. It involved walking in circles, blasting trumpets for days. (This is one story that Michael and Sidda act out on a regular basis, stacking pillows and marching around them 6 times and then 7 times again before knocking them all over.) And here is a little treat for you, a song about the battle of Jericho.


But soon after the fall of Jericho came Achan's sin. I had never heard this part before and found it fascinating. Soon after the fall of Jericho they had sent a group of 2000-3000 men to Ai to take the land but some of the men were killed by the men of Ai. Joshua was devastated. God was suppose to be with them but his men had been killed. God told Joshua that Israel had violated their covenant. They had taken things from Jericho and lied about it. They had hidden it away. They found that Achan had taken a Babylonian robe, shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold. (The Israelites were told to burn everything and keep nothing of the places the conquered.) His sin not only punished him but his family as well. Achan was stoned, also were his sons, daughters and his livestock then they were all burned. After they had taken care of Achan the Israelites were able to take Ai with the blessings of God.

Most of Joshua is about how the land is divided between the tribes of Israel and ends with the death of Joshua. And now I am on to Judges!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Sidda Graduated from Pre-School


I know I haven't been keeping up with my blog over the last few days. I've barely had a minute to sit down let alone tell you about all that has been going on.

Anyway, let's start with this: Sidda had her Pre-School Graduation! Sidda and the rest of the classes performed songs about what they learned throughout the year. It was very funny.

Sidda was able to sit next to her cousin Aden through out the ceremony and watching them interact together in between songs was some of the best parts. They would talk to each other, elbow each other and then wave at us in the audience. When it was time to sing they would stand and Aden would enthusiastically sing and dance while Sidda (being the little punk she is sometimes) would half heartedly perform the dances and would only sing a very small part of the songs. Sidda, like me, does not really like big crowds. If there would have been less people I think she would have done more.

I can't believe that my little Sidda is now ready for Kindergarten. She growing so fast right before my eyes and I feel like I am having a hard time keeping up with it. But I am excited for this next step for her. She can't wait!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

It Began Early

Today I think I am in a bad mood. The kids have been in trouble already most of the morning and my patience is on a very low threshold. I don't know if I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or what is wrong with me today.

It might be that this is Michael's first week with a new schedule and today is normally his day off. Now it has been switched to Mondays. Monday was great to spend time together but now the week feels very long. Hopefully I'll get used to this very soon.

Maybe not though. It could be that my kids are making many bad choices this morning and driving me crazy. Mainly MJ. He is being as stubborn and defiant as ever. He has not listened, has thrown rocks at his sister, chased the dogs with a stick saying he needed to hit them and then tryed to hit Sidda with a hose.

I feel stuck and trapped today. I feel like nothing I do is making any difference to my kids. I know that these things are not true, it's just how it feels right now.

I think that it can only get better from here, right? I have my coffee, lunch time is a little over an hour and then its nap time. I only need to make it through the next hour and a half. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. This is my mantra right now.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I Made an Apron!


Today we are attending a friends little girls 6th birthday party! For Elisa I made an apron today and I wanted to show it off because I am proud of how it turned out! Happy Birthday Elisa!

Agreeing to disagree. | Stuff Christians Like – Jon Acuff

Agreeing to disagree. | Stuff Christians Like – Jon Acuff

This is a blog by Jon Acuff. It's awesome!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Book Review: Cinderella Ate My Daughter


Cinderella by Peggy Orenstein was a very interesting read. I read this book over 2 days and could hardly put it down.

The book is nonfiction and about what the princess phenomenon could be doing to our daughters. How girls are getting older, younger and they are being sexualized while losing their ability to understand sexuality in themselves. That girls do things because it's what you do, not because it's what they want, or what they feel, it's just what they do.

Girls are caught in an in between of wanting to have it all and wanting to be rescued. They feel that their identity is only in the way they look and lose out on so much on the inside.

There is so much to this book that I thought was great. There a few things that I didn't agree on with the author but most of the book made me think about what I desire for my daughter. I want Sidda to have a solid identity that is not based on looks alone (or clothes, make-up or accessories). I want Sidda to have a strong sense of self. I want her to know who she is and know that it's ok if she decides to have a career or be a stay at home mom, or tackle both as time comes.

I do recommend this book to people with young daughters. It talks about how things are marketed to them and how the princess craze began. I enjoyed it. It was worth my time.

Movie Review: Something Borrowed


Wow! What a Mother's Day! My mother in law Selina, my sister in law Sabrina, Grandma Las Vegas and I went to see Something Borrowed as our mother's day gifts to ourselves. It was a two hour period where we could sit back, relax, and give full child responsibility the boys.

Something Borrowed is the film adaptation of Emily Giffin's novel of the same title. The film stars Ginnifer Goodwin and Kate Hudson as the lead characters. I had recently reread the novel and saw the difference in the film to book but over all thought that the movie was out together nicely.

Something Borrowed is about Rachel and Darcy who have been friends since childhood and are now venturing on to their 30s. Rachel is an attorney who hates her job, Darcy is a PR rep who is going to get married in the next couple of months. Darcy is spoiled and selfish and always gets her way even if it is at the expense of Rachel her best friend.

On Rachel's 30th birthday she ends up sleeping with and falling in love with Dex, Darcy's fiancée. The story is left to deal with do you choose love over friendship, or friendship over love. Do you do what is right or do you do what you want?

I think the movie was well put together but could never stand up the greatness of the novel. Emily Giffin's narrative style is simple but wonderful. She adds background that complicates things. Even the simplest things have meaning in the story.

I do recommended seeing the movie, it is funny and very entertaining, but I also suggest in reading the book. It will become more alive, it will become more real It will become one of your favorite stories.

Book Review: Search for Senna


Search for Senna by Katherine Applegate was slightly disappointing. I've read other books by her in the past and felt that this one really fell short.

Search for Senna is about David. David likes Senna. They are in high school together but there is something different about her. Something that is not right. One night David sees Senna at the end of a pier at the same time that as three other friends happen to be coming around, one Senna's sister, another her ex boyfriend.

As they all watch Senna the world shifts and they are transported to Everworld. This is the new dimension that the Gods of our world created as they left us. This is where the Greek, Roman, Egyptian and Norse Gods went to. It seems though that the story mainly focuses on the Norse Gods, and though we never see him, Thor is mentioned a few times.

I've never taken so long in my life to read a book. It didn't get even a little interesting until the last 30 pages or so and then the book abruptly cuts off. I knew going into it that it was a part of a series. Applegate's book always are, but I did hope for some kind of mini-conclusion to what was going on. There was no conclusion just a pause in waiting for the next book. I do not know if I really want to move on to the next in the series. If I do it is a commitment to read all 12 books in the series. I don't think I'm really interested enough in the story to read it all. Maybe one day, if I really have nothing else to read I will pick up next installment. But somehow, I doubt it.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Woo-hoo for Michael!

I just want to say thanks to my wonderfully awesome husband that got up at six this morning to weed out front yard. It really needed it and now it looks amazing!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Johnny Test

You gotta love Netflix for introducing my kids to cartoon they would have never watched otherwise. One of these shows is Johnny Test. It's an awesomely funny, ridiculous show that entertains all four of us. The lyrics to the theme song tell you exactly what the show is about:

(J-J-Johnny Test) (J-J-Johnny Test)
Got a head of fiery hair and a turbo charged backpack!
(Johnny Test)
His genius sisters use him like a lab rat.
(Johnny Test)
A neat-freak dad and a super-busy mom!
(Johnny Test)
The boy's best friend is a talking dog.
(Talking dog!)
Extreme team teen and an air breathing shark,
Mega-action game controller skating in the park,
pheromone booster, Bling-Bling, what do you think of this?!
(What do you think of this!)
Johnny Test!
Johnny Test!
This is a life of a boy named, "Johnny Test"!
(huh-huh)
Johnny Test!
Johnny Test!
This is the life of a boy named, "Johnny Te-e-e-e-est"!

Now you see the greatness just from the song, but it leaves out when his sister turn him into a super hero and his power is Super Power Poots. I'm sure that you can you use your imagination to figure out what that entails. If not, go to your Netflix and watch some Johnny Test. It's awesome.

I will leave you with the theme song!



Thursday, May 5, 2011

Video Games

Michael is way more into video games than I am. I really don't play that much and when I do I prefer puzzle games over anything else. I like games like Tetris and Dr. Mario. I do enjoy the occasional RPG. I've played a few in my time but my favorite is probably Kingdom Hearts. It's pretty awesome. It's a game that combines Disney characters with Final Fantasy to make a pretty awesome game that is kid friendly so I can play in front of my kids.

The last RPG I played was Blue Dragon. I actually played this with Michael. We borrowed it from a friend and quite enjoyed it. A lot of the time when we played Sidda and MJ watched and got to know the characters and the storyline. It practically became a family event.

So, I know if I let Michael in on this blog today he would type a thousand pages about the video games he loves and the list would really be never ending. He just wishes that he had more time so he could play more. I really don't let him play as much as he would want to. I think spending time with his family is more important. I think sleep is more important too.

The kids are starting to play video games a little bit and it's already starting fights between the two of them. We were given a leapster handheld game system and we only have one so it's a constant battle to see who plays. Most of the time it just gets taken away.

I'm sure there is more I could talk about but my mind is running a blank. I'll just end with this. Hi Tina! I'm glad you read my blog!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Boring





I had nothing to really blog about yesterday. I spent most of my day baking and cleaning. I took a couple of pictures of some of the things I baked, but yesterday was really quite uninteresting. I tried my hand a bagels again and liked them even better than last time. I made banana bread and then I made cookies that Sidda found the recipe in one of her coloring books. I do not have a picture of the cookies.

For dinner yesterday I made egg sandwiches on my home made bagels. I don't mean to brag but they were awesome. I even impressed myself.

We finished off the day and spent out family night together making Mother's Day cards for the grandma's. So no blog for yesterday. Let's see what the rest of the week brings.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Scratching the Surface

I don't let people in. I'm very much a person that keeps a distance. I always feel on the outside of the group. It's not because the group doesn't want me there, it's that I haven't formed the relationships that others have. I have not let myself get close.

Is there any reason that I put up this road block whenever I start becoming close to anyone? I really have no idea. It even goes back in high school that I was this way. I remember having a best friend that I loved but I don't think we were ever as close as we could have been. I never opened myself up. Even though I would tell her my secrets, tell her my feelings I don't think I ever broke down in front of her. I don't think I ever really let her in. From 8th grade to our senior year of high school I kept myself separated. I don't know why.

The only person that I have ever let myself be close to is Michael. He was able to penetrate my barriers where others have not, but he is the only one. In the last 10 years he is probably the only person to see me really cry. I'm pretty sure that the people I know very few have seen me cry and if they have it's been very controlled. It might be a slight tearing up instead of the gushing flow it should be. When I have conversations I never let it get too serious, I only scratch the surface so I can keep myself under control.

These things are true when it comes to God as well. I know Him and love Him but I know that I keep Him at bay too. I have a hard time asking others for prayer because it means that I am not in control of myself. It means I need help.

I realize that I can't do everything alone. I need deep friendships. We are designed for it. I feel stuck and don't know how to obtain. I want a best friend. I want someone who will still love me when they've seen me at my worst and celebrate with me when they've seen me at my best. I want more that just passing by friendships. I want lasting connections. I want someone that feels close enough to me that I can be with them at their worsts and celebrate their bests. I need a best friend that is not also my husband. I need a best friend that is a woman that can understand me and all those complications around me.

So this is my prayer and I ask for prayer from you as well, that I will let myself be out of control. That I will no longer feel the need to block myself off. I ask for prayer that I will no longer be afraid to need help and understand that we are not meant to do things alone. I pray that I will also do this in my relationship with God. I will not block Him. I will not stand in His way to move in my life. I will let Him in and follow His directions. I pray that I will no longer just scratch the surface but instead dive in and let myself go.

I know that there is not an easy fix. That this will be new for me and it will be hard to let my guard down, but I know that if I do it, it will be worth it.