Monday, March 28, 2011

Finding Me

Sometimes I think that I failing at being a mom. I just believe that I am not very good at it. How can I be called to something I am not good at? Because God wants to stretch me, take me out of my comfort zone and make me more than I alone would strive to be.

I think I’m still getting used to this whole stay-at-home-mom thing. I’ve been doing it for about 15 months and sometimes I still fell lost. I seem to be having a hard time finding a balance between being wife, being mom and being Jessica. Maybe that is why I started the blog in the first place. To get my thoughts down and out of my head; maybe an attempt to organize it all. Hopefully through this I can have an outlet for me to think and move in the directions that will benefit myself and my family.

I want to be a better mom. I used to be very creative and have energy to do things and play games but lately all I am is tired. I want to be the mom that has her scrapbooks of her children up to date instead of just a baby book of my oldest. I want to plan wonderful outings and have my kids actually want to eat healthy foods instead of always being home and them refusing carrot sticks and begging for chicken nuggets. I want to be able to run around and play with my kids without feeling like I am killing myself.

I feel like I am failing as a mom but I also feel that mom is the only thing that identifies me. I feel like I’ve lost myself in this plan of having a family. I do not want to be someone outside my family, I just want to be me within it. How can I make this happen? I’m not seeking to please I just want a chance to grow within myself again. Is there anyway to make this happen?